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Exploring the Douchebaggery of Los Angeles

Is everyone right about LA? Is everyone rude, fake and an out-and-out douchebag?

I have lived in many major US cities – New York, DC and San Francisco. In adjusting to Los Angeles, I’m loathe to agree that it’s riddled with douchebags, starfuckers and fake people. But that might be because I drank the Kool-aid.

I don’t think that people are any more rude, fake or selfish in LA than in other major cities. I just think that in LA it is more visible. Despite the overwhelming amount of land, square footage and opportunities it seems people still aren’t happy. It seems that their unfinished dreams channel themselves into bad behavior.

Let’s face it many of the people that move to LA come from small town Middle America or the overly-polite South with big stars in their eyes. Everyone wants a piece of the Hollywood pie and no one wants to share. Since the demand is so high for jobs in Hollywood people can be hired at slave wages and treated even worse than the meager wages they’re paid. There are also thousands of people competing for the same part, agent or 3X5 section of the sidewalk. That being said, that’s not really an excuse for bad behavior.

Own your shit, people. It’s your decision to be in Hollywood and struggle. It wasn’t the woman in line in front of you at Starbucks’ decision for you to move to LA to become an actor. It’s not the family in the car that you’re cutting off’s fault that you can’t afford your car payments. If you will forgive how trite I am about to be there are three P’s I can’t stand. Presumption, pretention and poor manners.

Presumption (See also: entitlement) Just because you want something and can get it doesn’t mean it’s yours. I don’t care if you’re a studio head or their fluffer, I pay just as much for my gym membership so I can use a machine if I get there first. Whether you’re driving a Bentley or a 1981 Sedan if someone arrives at a parking space first it’s theirs.

Pretention (See also: starfucking) There’s a cult of celebrity. Being this close to celebrities you want to talk to them, talk about them and possibly even touch them. You may be the guy who gives Rhianna her coffee…but that doesn’t make you Rhianna.
I’m going to go on the record and say that NOTHING makes you better than any other person. You could have a better body, more money or more connections but that doesn’t make you better than anyone. I will admit, I think I’m smarter and funnier than a lot of people. But that’s not a value statement. I’m still chock full of flaws and if the zombie apocalypse came I might not survive. Keep that in mind.

Poor Manners (See also: Being a raging douche) It takes less energy to say excuse me, I’m sorry or to hold the elevator than to ignore someone or the fact that you’re being a passive aggressive prick. There’s a reason you shift in place when you’re rude to someone. It’s called guilt and it’s an evolutionary reaction to keep you from being a self-involved douche.

It may seem that no good deed goes unpunished. Horrible human beings seem to be thriving. I like to think that the little things we do help change the world and keep us out of hell.

Why not just treat people like you want to be treated. After all in Hollywood, yesterday’s janitor could be tomorrow’s award winning screenwriter or director. Worse yet, they could be related to someone famous. So if for self-preservation alone…don’t be a douche.

5 Comments

  1. Roberto Rosas wrote:

    That is pretty hilarious..and rings oh so true…the natives of L.A. are awesome..the transplants…suck!

    Monday, January 24, 2011 at 10:54 pm | Permalink
  2. Groonis Chicaga wrote:

    You yourself are a transplant and a douchebag. You are rude to others and don’t take kindly to native people of Los Angeles. It’s funny that you don’t see that in yourself.

    Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 5:15 am | Permalink
  3. Dana wrote:

    Absolutely love this post (having had much experience with LA douchebaggery since I use to spend half the year there). Bravo!

    Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 6:13 am | Permalink
  4. ChristianCintron wrote:

    Hi Groonis?

    You are entitled to your opinion. The point of my post was not to say that all transplants are douchebags, Sorry Roberto, or to say that all people in LA are douchebags. It was to explore what in Los Angeles is breeding this sort of behavior. By my definition of a “douchebag” I am neither presumptuous, pretentious or filled with poor manners. Hmmm maybe a little pretentious. I’m not saying that people need to be saccharine nice to each other. I’m not Jesus and don’t claim to be. If you feel I’ve offended you could “unmask” yourself and contact me directly.

    Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 12:08 pm | Permalink
  5. bird wrote:

    I have heard enough about LA from friends who have lived there to never want to move there..I’m sure there are those who don’t fit the typical LA stereotype..but that stereotype is overwhelming there..so full of fake selfish assholes. ThIs may not be the best example but It can shed some Idea..I have worked for insurance for awhile and it’s interesting how people from all over the country handle different situations..we will have people on the east coast with homes completely destroyed by a hurricane or someone whose home has burned to the ground and these people are completely calm…and then you have the material driven person In LA. Who has a dent on the bumper of their BMW and they are literally no joke crying and demanding they be taken care of right away…its sick and mostly sad that those materialistic folks probably don’t have many real friends….I may travel to LA but certainly won’t live there…but it’s people like that make you grateful to be a kinder better individual

    Monday, December 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm | Permalink

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